literature

STH, What REALLY happened.

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Literature Text

In the beginning, Sonic was a blue hedgehog who woke up every morning feeling like he was ready to take on the world! All his friends, which were animals that couldn't talk, they could only jump around and do other stupid animal things, were always so happy and frolic-y! But then, they mysteriously started disappearing, being soon replaced by robots!

"Hmm, I'd better get to the bottom of this." the hedgehog thought as he zoomed off.

A distant cackle resonated in the air, "Bwahahahaha!" the cackle of a mad scientist.

Followed by that cackle was a lively tune, "La la la la! I luv turning small animals into robots to do things that I'm too fat and lazy to do myself! La la la!"

A small robot came from his pocket and into the palm of his hand, "Ah, right on time. Now, comb my mustache!" he ordered harshly. The tiny robot used it's tiny jetpack, pulled out a tiny comb, and began running it through the docter's facial hair.

The mad docter floated around the island in a pod shaped much like himself, though heavily weighed down by his body size, "Hey! This thing also has a wrecking ball attached to it!"

"Denial." I said back.

With a deep growl, the docter continued floating around randomly, until a blue stream of light crossed his path, "Ooh! Is AC-DC putting on a laser show here? Yay!"

"No! Tis I, Sonic the Hedge--" the hedgehog was inturrupted

"Tis I? Who the heck says, Tis I? What are you, Moses?" the docter laughed.

Angered by his mocking question, Sonic ran around in circles to draw up the wind, creating a ghastly face and figure. He shouted in a deep voice, "No, I am Neptune, king of the sea! I brew mighty storms and send many a sailor to a watery grave!"

The Docter cowered, until the real Neptune came up out of the water and addressed the young hedgehog, "No you're not. I am. And you know nothing of my work."

Sonic stood there for a moment, "Oh...Well...you don't have copyrights! So buzz of, fishy!"

Neptune ran back into the sea, crying like a little girl. Sonic stood valiantly, "Ha! Now where was I? Oh yeah, I'm gonna kick your butt Robotnik!"

"Hey, how did you know my name?!" the docter questioned.

"I read the manual!" Sonic answered, pulling out a manual for "Sonic the Hedgehog". He scanned the cover, "Ugg, look how fat I look."

Sonic was knocked back by an orange, checkered ball, sending a shockwave of pain through his jaw as he collided with the stone-wall. He rubbed his jaw as he got up, "Ooohh, You're gonna pay for that Eggman!"

"I thought my name was Robotnik."

"Yeah, but you kinda look like an Egg from this angle."

"Whatever, I doubt that name will stick." the docter finished, rearing the ball back to dish out more punishment. Sonic lept to one of the conveniantly placed platforms to get above it. The hedgehog then curled up, and jumped ontop of Eggman's ugly mug, which for some freakish reason, damaged the machine rather than Eggman himself.

He repeated this proccess several times, and the machine blew up, "Baaaawww!!! You broke my machine! Oh,well, I guess I'll go make another one with an obvious weakness. See you later Sonic!"

Sonic raised his fist to the sky, "I'll get you Eggman! I swear it! All by myself too!"

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After many hours of looping, ring-collecting, and robot destroying, Sonic arrived at his final destiation. Which, conviniently, was called the Final Zone. Sonic stepped into the metal world, scratching his head in thought as his eyes scanned the crusty map in his hands, "Man, this wouldn't be so hard if that bird hadn't shit on the map..." frustrated and tired, the hedgehog crumpled the map and tossed it aside, "Bah, I'm sure I can find my way around here easy! I mean, I can't even move in three demensions! All I need to do is go left and right! So off I go!" with a charge, Sonic bolted to the right, the zone and backgrounds looping endlessly until, "Hmm, that lowered cieling looks dangerous..."

And he was right. No sooner had Sonic stepped in, a wall shut behind him, "Shoot!" he cursed...sort of. He then noticed that he could still see the back grounds to the left and right of him, "GAHH! If only I could move in three demensions, I could get out of here!" he roared, pushing against the wall.

"Bwahahahahaha! Hello Sonic, we finally meet!" Eggman cackled out of nowhere.

"Umm, dude, I saw you like, two hours ago. This game really isn't that hard, all you need to do is hold down right, sometimes press jump and--"

Eggman inturrupted him with a loud, "SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" popping out of his hiding place with his finger to his lips, "If Sega hears you, we'll be fired!" Eggman spoke to the sky loudly, presumably talking to Yuji Naka, "Um, he means that this game is fun and challenging for all ages! With platform levels and well designed stages, as well as tough bosses!"

"Double-You-Tee-Eff tough bosses?" Sonic lashed out, "All I have to do is jump on you!"

"I will hear no more incinuations about mahself!!!!" an infuriated Eggman screamed, "You will taste the wrath of my mighty fist! And...uh...this thing!!!" In a puff of smoke, the man disappeared again, leaving Sonic confused and freaked. Mechanical whurring reached his ears, as he noticed the platform he was standing on was rising.

"Whoa!" yelped the hedgehog, leaping off to the side as the pillar collided with the cieling, "Heeyyyyyyy....You're trying to kill me!"

The docter's brow twitched, "Uh....DUHR.", and the piller went back into the ground.

"Well that's not fair! I don't even get any rings!" protested Sonic, looking down at the now hidden pillar. Cackling and sparking noises made his ears twitch. He looked up to see four luminescent balls of purple electric energy heading his way, "Oh BLEEP!" he cursed, jumping between two of them. Eggman laughed once more, raising two pillers in an attempt to smash Sonic. Said Hedgehog saw Eggman in the pillar infront of him, and jumped to strike him.

"Ow! Bitch!" hissed Eggman.

"Wow...I can even beat your machines by jumping on them. Sweeeeeet." Sonic said cooly, dodging four more balls of electricity.

This was it, the ultimate final battle of finality which would finalize the final ending. And this will be the final time I say final.

Sonic leapt at the pillar, to which it began to explode in random spots before blowing up quickly, "Noooooooooo!!! You destroyed mah piller machine!" Eggman ran past the destroyed pillars and into his pod.

"Ha ha! Run run run back to yo momma's skinny rib-cage Egghead, cause you lose!" Sonic proclaimed valiantly. Fuled by such anger and rage, Eggman threw his fist to the sky, uttering a cry so shrill the whole world heard it...

"I'LL GET YOU SONIC THE HEDGEH--AHH! MY PANTS ARE TOO TIGHT!"

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The greens of the fields blurred past in a plethera of color and light as Sonic charged through Green Hill, all seven chaos emeralds in hand, "Doot doot dee doot, savin the world, protectin' the enviroment." he sang, flowers springing up at his foot steps.

"I, Sonic the Hedgehog-person-guy, have taken great liberty in freeing you animals from Eggman's tyrrany! Rejoice and be happy in knowing that your savior is before you! Your blue hero! Your Eggman smasher, hee hee hee! Let it be known that Sonic the hedgehog, will destroy all evil to come our way and never let you down, especially now that I've got these pretty emeralds! HUZZAH!!!!!" Sonic cheered aloud to the animals.

...The animals did nothing...

"....Well fuck you then!" Sonic scolded, running off, dropping the pretty emeralds in the process...

"I'm not done yet Sonic!" Eggman cackled, cruising through the plains, incinerating all the flowers with his flamethrower, making the bunnies cry. He held up one emerald in triumph, "Now I have the emeralds!" he immediately grabbed one of the nearby flickies, "And these odd-colored bird thingies to put in more of my robots! I shall have my revenge yet!" Eggman uttered his final word as he moved off into the distance...

"VENGANCE SHALL BE MINE, SONIC THE HEDGE--AHH! MY PANTS ARE STILL TOO TIGHT!"
A little parody of Sonic The Hedgehog for Sega Genisis. How it REALLY happened.
© 2009 - 2024 DJ-Bleach
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gutphysics's avatar
lol wtf did i just read xDD u got talant